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  • James Kingsford-Smith

THE FUTILITY OF MONOGAMY EXPLAINED THROUGH NUCLEAR PHYSICS AND SEXY GERMAN CIRCUS

Updated: Dec 30, 2021

A man begins speaking to the audience while balancing on his head with no hands.

So, the human body is mainly made up of hydrogen, nitrogen, carbon and oxygen. These are very universal elements, making up 75% of our Milky Way but that is not the point. The point is; they are all very small elements. All very low on the periodic table and thus candidates for Fusion reactions, rather than Fission reactions.

Now when larger elements like Uranium go through nuclear process, it’s called Fission. You take a large element, you fire smaller partials at it until it splits apart and releases its binding energy.


(Places hands on the ground)

Now binding energy is important so I want you to remember this concept. There is an intrinsic energy that encased in the mass of all atoms. This is called binding energy.

(Handstand on blocks and flick through book.) Now for smaller atoms, binding energy works differently. If your atoms are made of less than 52 proton, like ours are, they have to combine to release this binding energy. This is called nuclear fusion and it is the only nuclear process that our elements can go through.(Falls out of handstand.) Interesting.


(Takes two books and begins a puppetry where the books lead the actor into splits.)

Let’s take one of our main elements, Oxygen! When two Oxygen nuclei meet let’s say at a late night speak easy in Kreuzberg, (Book puppetry) they have to overcome massive distancing forces. First, they have to get into the same bar and then same table, then they have overcome the electrical repulsion of their electrons buzzing around their heads. These are like your annoying friends who just don’t get the hint that you might want to talk to somebody else. (finally arrives in splits.)


But even after you get the electrons out of the way you still have the positive-positive repulsion of your protons at your nucleus. (flips to arrive at huge one meter stack of books.) This I would liken to the 101 excuses you could make for NOT going home with this person tonight. He’s drunk, I have my period, my flatmate will have to listen to me having sex.

But if you do overcome these fears and you do have sex (Rubbing books together) and then you do fall in love… then EUREKA! You’ve done it! (Throws books.)


(Figa sequence with one hand on the large stack of books.) The sparks fly and it feels amazing as all of that binding energy is released in a spectacular nuclear explosion. Suddenly the world doesn’t seem so complicated. You have found someone that completes you and it feels amazing! This is Fusion and it is actually more powerful than Fission…. So HA! Maybe Hollywood was right. Maybe love does conquer all.


But wait. (looking in a book) We may have missed something.

Do you remember the equation e=mc2? Energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light. (Spins in one hand Planch on the large stack of books.)

So, if energy is being released during a reaction isn’t it actually taking a significant part of you along with it?


(Presses to Mexican handstand.) This is what we are made of. I am not making this up. So if oxygen and hydrogen get smaller when they fuse, why wouldn’t the sum of their parts? Why wouldn't we as well? (Flips down to the ground.)


Maybe I'm not explaining this correctly. I know it feels good to fall in love or fuse with one person but when you do, you literally lose parts of yourself! (Pushes two books together and rips pages out of them.)


Planch spinning.

Are we really that scared of being alone?

Are we that reluctant to work on ourselves?


Now, don’t get me wrong, I think love is beautiful but dependence based on mutual gain sounds like a recipe for disaster.


Begins setting up other handstand canes.

I don’t drive because my wife drives. I don’t cook because my husband cooks. I don’t make decisions without asking my partner first. I don’t think unless we both agreed on the thought. Jumps to handstand on canes.


Would you at least admit that in many monogamous relationships, you stop working on certain parts of yourself?


One arm sequence without talking.


So why fuse with each other when it’s not in our nature to benefit?


(Spinning on cane changing them round) I just don't think we are very good at holding onto ourselves when we are holding onto each other so tightly.


Presses to spinning handstand.

I think, perhaps it’s better to look for orbits rather than fusions.

Movement rather than stability.

That way we could invite more people to the party.

That way, no one would be left out.

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